Earned Secure Help focuses on evidence-based tools that repair attachment patterns through inner visualization (e.g., Ideal Parent Figure Protocol, Attachment-Focused EMDR). A complementary interpersonal and intrapersonal skill, Resonance, aligns with these goals by offering a structured way to process big emotions—either within oneself or when supporting another person.
Core Mechanism
Resonance is defined as interpersonal emotional regulation via attunement and high-intensity mirroring or validation. It proceeds in three ordered steps:
- Copy – repeat at least three exact words the person (or inner part) has used.
- Guess – add a closed-ended or statement-form hypothesis about what is implied but not yet stated.
- Exaggerate – intensify the copy/guess with stronger wording, tone, or body language until a palpable emotional release (sigh, relaxation, deeper breath) occurs.
These steps correspond to the “heard → seen → regulated” sequence described in the original documentation.
Why It Matters for Attachment Work
- Self-use (Self-Resonance): Allows an individual to stay with a triggered part long enough for integration, reducing hyper- or hypo-activation patterns common in insecure attachment.
- Other-use: Provides a non-intrusive, attachment-safe response when a partner, child, or client is dysregulated, minimizing threat responses that arise from unsolicited advice or reassurance.
Contrasts with Similar Modalities
| Approach | Primary Focus | Overlap with Resonance | Key Difference |
|---|---|---|---|
| Reflective Listening | Other-directed empathy | Copy & Guess steps | Lacks deliberate exaggeration for discharge |
| Nonviolent Communication | Self-expression | Verbal empathy | Emphasizes speaker’s needs rather than receiver’s discharge |
| IFS / Parts Work | Inner system mapping | Self-resonance as alternative | Resonance supplies the how after a part is located |
| Gendlin Focusing | Somatic self-inquiry | Self-resonance as alternative | Focusing centers on bodily “felt sense”; resonance centers on verbal/affective amplification |
Usage Guidelines
- First 10–20 trials: Limit practice to situations where the upset is not directed at you to reduce dual-activation.
- Self-practice script:
- Identify the triggered sentence from an inner part.
- Speak the copy, guess, and exaggeration out loud or in writing.
- Track physiological shift (breath, muscle tone) as the marker of completion.
- With others: Secure explicit or implicit consent; pause if the receiver dismisses an exaggeration and return to copy/guess.
Further Reading & Practice
Full technique, examples, and video demonstrations are available in the original write-up:
https://chrisbarber.co/Resonance
Ready to try? Practice in real time below.